Excellent Sentence Structures - SA1 2008

By Clarissa Lim

Herbal tea in hand, I followed closely behind my mother.

In unison, we rushed to see what happened.

With expected efficiency, the tow-truck and the ambulance arrived minutes later.

Having no transportation, we hired a taxi to send the driver to the hospital.

Outstanding Stories - SA1 2008

By Tan Guan Jie '

Angry (1) honks could be heard from the ever busy Bukit Timah Road on this cold, rainy Monday morning. I stared out of my father's black Nissan car with a sulky face (3) and at the same time, I tried to ignore father's grumbles about the slow, red lorry that seemed to be holding up the traffic. It was raining cats and dogs, which made driving difficult. And worse of all, I was late for school.

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I stared at the trees which were lined up along the road. The trees which stood tall and magnificent now looked eerie as lightning crackled (4) and lit up the whole sky. Looking at my watch, I grimaced as I saw that the time was now 7.05am. Soon, my father lost his temper and started beeping at the slow lorry like a mad man (2). And with that, all the cars joined in the beeping. Suddenly as if heaven above was angry, a bolt of golden lightning shot through the sky, hitting a tree squarely onto its foundation. As if the giant tree was responding to the pain, it swayed from left to right as it drew its last breath.

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The giant tree crashed down onto the frail red lorry. As it smashed onto the metal frame of the vehicle, it disfigured the lorry. Glass shattered and metal was bent! But the worst thing that could happen was the smell of petrol that hung in the air.

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My father and I did not know what to do. We just sat in the car helplesly while others, with their instincts kicking in, rushed to the scene. Some pried the door opened with giant umbrellas. Others with handphones called the Singapore Civil Defence Force. The thing that caught my attention was a scream that came from the bloodied school girl who was being pulled out of the lorry.

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Upon seeeing this, a wave of guilt overcame me. If only I had been more patient. If only father had not honked at the lorry. If only... if only.... It was too late to change anything now.

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Tears started to well up in my eyes as I saw paramedics separate the father and daughter in two flashing ambulances and drive off. But from this, I learnt a valuable lesson - always be patient, a human life is more important.

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Please note:
(1) red: adjectives that tell me more
(2)green: comparisons make effective visuals
(3)pink: feelings - heaven, the tree and the others also have feelings
(4)purple: verbs that create strong visuals and are action packed

Outstanding Stories - SA1 2008

By Wesley Au

Wood-Row Street - an incredible sight.

The street was named after the long rows of stout (1) trees that lined the edges of the footpath. It was truly a sight that resembled peace and tranquility (3) but it almost became a scene of a tragic loss of human life...

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Wood-Row Street - 2nd January 2006

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As always, the evening period was the most crowded as many people were returning home from work. I was driving back from work, eyes lazily snapping (4) close from exhaustion. Ahead of me was a husband and wife driving a slow-moving van which was as 'fast' as a lawn-mover (2) ! Sore, irritable and hungry , I angrily punched my steering wheel. But my displeasure quickly turned into sheer terror.

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A large oak tree directly beside the van emitted a queer, creaking sound and started tilting. "Something is wrong. A thousand-pound tree does NOT tilt!!" I thought wildly as the creaking became more and more pronounced. Shards of bark snapped free from the trunk with a crackle of joy. Then out of the blue, the tree dropped and crashed onto the van!

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It was horiffic. The hood of the van bent and buckled under the pressure of the seemingly iron-clad tree. I dashed out of my car and instantly sprinted to the van. Several passers-by helped the couple out of the van. Just as a man could not lift an elephant, the van could not take it anymore and got crushed like a lump of tin foil.

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As I was about to return to my car, the van erupted in a ball of billowing flames. The warmth of the flames greedily feasting on the tree was quickly chased away by the cold rain. "Like a funeral pyre," I thought grimly as I returned to my car. Luckily, someone had called the fire brigade which then proceeded to quench every last glowing ember.

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Life is unpredictable. Life can as easily reward you as it can curse you! Yet life has a flavour that only someone who has nearly lost it can experience.

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Please note:

(1) red: adjectives that tell me more

(2) green: similes make effective visuals by comparing one thing to another

(3) pink: feelings - here even the tree has feelings

(4) purple: verbs that create strong visuals and are action packed

Little Adjectives or phrases that made a Difference! SA1 2008

Various Vases

... white with a rainbow-coloured flower with deep green leaves ....(Koh Eun)

A pristine white vase with a few swans intricately carved on it..... (Kailer)

I decided to buy a colourful ceramic vase... (Maythavee)

I spotted a beautiful red vase (Darren)

... with designs of blue dragons (Jordan)

A unique vase with carved flowers and bees (Jia Li)
A dazzling vase as bright as fireworks (jun Jie)

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Trees
... a gigantic tree .. (Eugene)
a tree which had been there for twenty years ...(Hui Hao)
an enormous tree, three metres long (Chao JUn)
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Vans
a yellow van

a green van

a white van

a newly-bought van (Ernest)

an old van crushed (Se Kwon)
rusty van (Se Kwon)

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Umbrellas were:
multi-coloured
bright blue
colourful
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Little Adjectives or phrases that tell me more...
wailing girl (Heng Yi)

unmovable lorry (Heng Yi)

glacial look (Ernest)
salty tears (Theresa)

concerned voices (Ernest)
gloomy mood (Theresa)
elongated shadows (Yong Zhi)

obese man (Nirmal)
sheer enthusiasm (Kailer)
tall over-head bridge (Megan)

squeezy and stuffy lift (Wei Jie)

a shop crammed with buyers (Nirmal)

Best Settings relevant to the story A Present for Mother - SA1 2008

The afternoon sun glimmered, its rays blinding my eyes. It was so hot that the sun at the back of my head was slowly 'cooking my brain'! Cars honked, dogs barked, just like in the previous days. But this time, it was more special. It was my mother's birthday.

Sheryl (Winner 2)

The sky was pitch dark. No sounds could be heard. Out of a sudden, an alarm clock rang, shattering the silence that surrounded the peaceful air.

Bona (Winner 3)

A bunch of pupils scurried out of the school gate. I walked down a long and narrow pathway that led to a bus stop. The sun was blazing hot. Sweat rolled down my face. I guess I was lucky! When I arrived at the bus stop, a big double-decker bus came.

Wei Jie

People's chattering buzzed into my ears. A cute, little store filled with customers caught my eye. Disney music filled my ears as I entered. The air-conditioner in the store was switched on at full blast and I was freezing.

Fauzia (Winner 1)

Best Settings that were Relevant to the Story - SA1 2008 - STORMY setting!

Lightning flashed in the sky. Thunder boomed into my ears. The rain was pattering on the windows, creating a beat. The rain was so heavy it flooded the drains on the roadside.

Hong Wei

"Dip... dip..." The dripping of water filled the surroundings. The loud honks of the cars joined the dripping making an irritating music. The street was as busy as in a wet market while the area was filled with colourful umbrellas.

Jun Jie

When I woke up, I was surrounded by darkness. I looked out of the window. The rain pounded against the windows, fighting furiously to get in, but the window was by no means weak. Out of the blue, lightning struck! "Goal!" It had hit its target.

Natalie (Winner 3)

The gleam of lightning brightened the dark, grey sky for a moment. Ten millions droplets hit the cold and hard metal parts of the car and made a terribly noisy sound.

Sung Chul

Thunder roared as a heavy downpour began. The ground of the neighbourhood was as wet as though a tidal wave had passed by. The sky grew darker. It gave me a horrifying feeling as though the world was coming to an end. Trees swayed vigorously and leaves rustled as the untamed wind blew.

Eugene (Winner 2)

"Crash! BOOM!" I heard thunder roar once again. Torrents of rain poured from the stormy clouds. I could see small clusters of people huddled together, scurrying like ants towards shelter. And a long, seemingly meandering line of cars clogged up the Expressway, honking loudly.

Fear Pie aka Andre (Winner 1)

Even though I was in an air-conditioned bus, I could hear the wind roaring outside. I noticed that the drizzle became heavier in just minutes or even seconds. I shut my eyes as I did not want to experience the rain.

James

It was pouring cats and dogs when I lazily switched off my favourite computer game. I rubbed my eyes and heard tyres of cars rolling through the wet road near my house. The sky was greyish as the rain poured down to the ground.

Hui Hao