The bright haunted house (2)

It was dead in the middle of the night . There lies a village beside a cemeterey. That village is almost dead,yet alive and kicking .There was not a single noise to be heard except the soft thumping of the shoes that my siblings and I were wearing .My brother's friends dared my siblings and I to go into a bright haunted house . My brother dislikes to be looked down ,he even had a bet with his friends ! He agreed to this dare,and we were supposed to stay there until the next day at 5o'clock. We walked into this bright but spooky haunted house with anxiousness . We walked in, but soon found, hey , this house, it is not that bit spooky !We heaved a sigh of relieve ,glad that it was not spooky an we will win the money in this bet .There was not a single cobweb , but in one of the rooms , there was this window, you could see that outside the window ,was a horrid view of a cemetery , my sister was paralysed with fear when she saw ghosts floating towards the window .(She hates ghosts and is very afraid of them, even ghost stories ! She wanted to win the bet as she wanted to buy a bottle of very expensive perfume !And tags along.)I could see her rooted to the ground paralysed with fear .I looked at those freaky ghosts , I was curious as I have never seen a ghost before , but at the same time ,frightening thoughts raced through my mind, seeing a ghost with a devilish on his face strangling me ,but I soon came back to reality .We never slept in that room , we preservered until 3o'clock when we heard a loud knock on the door .(sounds like screeching) We hid behind the door until the screeching stopped . I occupied myself by eating,my brother occupied himself by playing his PSP ,while my sister occupied herself by listening to rock music . We kept ourselves occupied until we could not take it anymore . We cannot care less about losing the bet , we were so horror-strucked that my hands had turned clammy and we broke out into cold sweat. We took our luggage , looked out of that ghastly window, looking for those ghosts, I think they went to sleep , so we grabbed that great chance and ran out of that very bright house that was haunted. We ran out at 4.30a.m. Not wanting to lose the bet but we don't care (heck care). We RAN and RAN until I had difficulty breathing .But the tension in my muscles eased .(phew !) In the end , my brother and I had to take our own money to pay my sister for that very expensive perfume ! (how rotten!)

THE ICY COLD HAUNTED HOUSE(2)

(The) Thunder roared and flashes of lightning threatened to tear the night sky. Snow blurred the distant images of the buildings. I strained my eyes to see what laid ahead. The roof of the haunted house was covered with ice. Gusts of wind slammed against the gaping windows. I moved closer and closer to the house. The moment i stepped into the house, i was greeted by the creaking sound of the old door. My hand were clammy and my face was as pale as a sheet. The floor was slippery and i lost my balance and i slipped. I landed with a loud thud and the old door opened, there is a very old man lying right in front of the old door lying dead on the floor. (Gaining my equanimity, i ran out as fast as i could.)

Second half is better and more original. Try not to use descriptions that are memorised. It's so much better when you create your own visuals. Some good images of the icy house.

ICY COLD HAUNTED HOUSE(1) sekwon

It has been 11 months and half that my country in the middle of nowhere has been attacked by the terrible snowman. I was tired of playing with snow and abhore to study in the dark old smelly room. My father is a pilot but he could not come to our country as the whether is too terrible. Ice fishing is a best activity for wasting time which is slow like a snail climbing up the well. I and my sister was curious about the old house which was emptied for more than 1year. My mother told me that there was a rich man who lived there but was passed away as someone locked him in the icy cold fridge. She added," after the man died, this country has been colder and colder." I was curious how it looks like and decide to enter the old crippy house which is about 30 years old.


Be careful with your verb tenses - try to stick to 1 verb tense only for the time being.
Launch yourself straight into the description. See how I rewrite your ideas:

The old creepy house stood white and lonely. The windows were barely visible below the thick ice. The biting cold air lashed at my face and seemed increasingly loud.

The bright haunted house 3

(It was the afternoon. My sister and I were mischievous and we were thinking if we should give the most scariest 'bright haunted house' a visit. When we arrived at the haunted house,)

I heard ringing bells in my mind telling me not to enter but I did not heed (its) their advice. My sister and I skipped inside and we saw creepy staircases full of cobwebs (and mummies all) over (it) them.

(We actually thought that the haunted house was dark and creepy but this one was not. It was like the normal days where we see big sun. This was more creepy than those dark haunted houses.We went through those full of cobwebs' staircases and we saw what we will never forget in our entire lifes.) (It's important not to tell the reader too much - show what you see)

A ghost dressed in white like an angel but one with fangs drifted around the house. There was a human on the floor and the ghost was sucking its blood !! Our cold sweat(s) dripped down and it made the sound,"dip..dip.." The ghost heard our sweat and turned around, (freaking) scaring us!

You had some good ideas and should concentrate on using your senses to describe what you see/ hear. When you tell too much, the writing slows down and the reader loses interest.

The bright haunted house

(My brother and I were standing in the queue to see the haunted house, we were up next. The staff ushered us into the haunted house.)

I shivered with excitement , wondering what would be inside (the haunted house). I thought I was dreaming. The haunted house was filled with people, normal people. My mouth opened wide in shock, for this was not what I expected at all. It was very noisy. But suddenly, I spotted a woman biting into her sandwich and in her mouth there was a pair of fangs. I screamed loudly and all eyes were on me . All of the people walked towards me simultaneously.

I grabbed hold of my brother's hand and started running towards the exit. That was the scariest haunted house ever.

Why don't you show me more of what you didn't expect - as that is an interesting point - the reader needs more visuals.