My heart was beating fast as the official man (said) bellowed, "Ready? Get set... Go!!!" I ran as fast as i could. Thousands of people were running all at once. The noise soon became louder and louder so that it could be heard from miles away.
After a while we (reach) reached (to) a sign (where it) which read Mile One. Torturous days of training had paid off. (After) Hearing my family cheering me on, I felt a surge of energy and I started dashing through person after person like a horse in a race.
Mrs Chien: Observations effectively bring the reader to the scene! The wonderful caomparison at the end is original and impactful.
Now that you can use the strategies, it's time to develop each idea by adding more details.
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