I turned around to see an old man walking towards the one and the only seat in the train. He looked as if he could not support himself. As the empty seat was beside me, I could see his face clearer (at) with every step he took.
His face was scarred and wrinkled. After he sat, he gave me a toothless grin as I managed to say 'hi' to him. After a few moments of silence, he began mumbling to himself. I pretended I did not hear him and instead I stared at his raggedy clothes and shoes.
(At the next stop , he went out of the bus as he did not have any more money to continue his journey. He stopped at the streets of chicago and went a long way. It was a cold night and i wondered how he would survive out there and alone ........)
Mrs Chien: I can see the old man too and I can sense the author's kindness and empathy with your effective use of descriptions.
Keep on expermenting on adding deatils that develop 1 main idea at a time. Notice that if I remove the words 'I pretended...', a link would be missing as this is a totally different idea.
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