The bright haunted house 3

(It was the afternoon. My sister and I were mischievous and we were thinking if we should give the most scariest 'bright haunted house' a visit. When we arrived at the haunted house,)

I heard ringing bells in my mind telling me not to enter but I did not heed (its) their advice. My sister and I skipped inside and we saw creepy staircases full of cobwebs (and mummies all) over (it) them.

(We actually thought that the haunted house was dark and creepy but this one was not. It was like the normal days where we see big sun. This was more creepy than those dark haunted houses.We went through those full of cobwebs' staircases and we saw what we will never forget in our entire lifes.) (It's important not to tell the reader too much - show what you see)

A ghost dressed in white like an angel but one with fangs drifted around the house. There was a human on the floor and the ghost was sucking its blood !! Our cold sweat(s) dripped down and it made the sound,"dip..dip.." The ghost heard our sweat and turned around, (freaking) scaring us!

You had some good ideas and should concentrate on using your senses to describe what you see/ hear. When you tell too much, the writing slows down and the reader loses interest.

Spiderman 3 / Best Spiderman ***

Spiderman swooped down from the clouds. While the spectators cheered, Spiderman fought his enemy, the Scorpion King. He shot his web all around the sky like a bird's nest.

Finally, Spiderman forced the Scorpion King to a dead end, where its grave was. Crowds cheered,"Hooray! Spiderman is our hero!!" Flashes of lights (shined) shone (through their) into his eyes. Spiderman (is) was gone(,) and will (never) not return till there is trouble.

No trouble, no spiderman.

Mrs Chien:Yes, I can see Spiderman because the verbs and vocabulary you used effectively showed me the action. Also I can hear the excited crowd.